Navigating Challenges with a Therapist Who Gets It
Meet Your Therapist, Rob Shaffer, CSW
Hi, I'm Rob Shaffer. I spent the first 30 years of my life in a constant cycle of fear, guilt, and shame.
I didn’t know myself. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I felt like I was a problem for everyone around me. I let everyone make choices for me. I had no authority over my own life.
During those 30 years I . . .
had a 10-year drug addiction
was homeless for 3 years, even living in a dumpster at one point
spent 3 years incarcerated
was in a series of highly dysfunctional and abusive relationships
was ashamed of and disconnected from myself
tried hard to act like those around me to fit in
tried to be what I thought a man was supposed be in a highly patriarchal culture
All this led to . . .
anxiety, anger, isolation, depression, low self-worth, . . . and eventually an overdose
The death of my dad and hitting rock bottom forced me to make changes.
When my dad died suddenly from a heart attack, the finality of not having a father-figure hurt me deeply. I was angry at my dad for never being around when I was a kid, but I had nowhere to direct my anger. I resented my mom for using my brothers and me as leverage against my dad in the manipulative game played with each other.
I tried to kill myself with heroin and pills but somehow always survived.
Eventually, I ran out of money, ran out of drugs, and couldn't get high to deaden the pain I felt from my childhood. So, I decided to try something new and get clean. I thought getting clean was going to be the hardest thing I had to do. Turns out, that was the easy part. The hard part was rebuilding a life.
Doing that took understanding . . .
how my behaviors were a reflection of my past
that the attachment style I learned as a child is carried into all of my relationships
the projections I have of others—and myself—create unrealistic expectations
that I needed to individuate from the roles and perceptions of myself and my childhood in order to find my authority
that I cannot control other people and that I don’t need to get responsible for anyone else in this life
that I can only be responsible for myself and that it’s up to me to ask for the things that I need
that I don’t need to take things so personally
that I am good and whole at my core
That moment marked the beginning of my journey toward my true purpose. Over the following decade, I dedicated myself to studying and training to become a therapist, eventually launching my own practice.
My mission? To guide men like you toward finding your inner strength, feeling valued and heard in your relationships, and embracing vulnerability without compromising your sense of autonomy. Together, we'll pave the way for you to navigate the world with confidence and self-awareness.